The Old People

I have moved on to bigger, better things, but as my second post describes, my last temp job was with a mailing company. When I first started, there were a lot of temps such as myself, but slowly, their numbers dropped off, and they were replaced by "The Old People." The Old People are employees, but only called in as needed. Like with many elderly folks, their favorite topic of conversation was physical ailments, and it could get pretty competitive. One of the most vied for positions was Person With Most Doctor's Appointments in a Week, closely followed by Person Currently Afflicted With the Most Medical Issues. One senior would barely finish their story before another would steal their thunder with "That's nothing compared to..." Due to my blessed condition of youth and good health, my contributions were hardly welcomed or expected. So I had the privilege of listening, and learning a great deal about hip replacements and "The worst eye infection that my doctor said he had ever seen."

Now, I understand that aging has its challenges, and it is far from my point to mock or undermine the difficulties that come with advancing years. Still, I have an odd quirk for finding the humor in these sorts of situations, and one elderly gentleman, who we will call "Bernard" made keeping my composure especially challenging.

Bernard is probably in his seventies, a slight man, with spectacles and a thatch of gray hair combed over in one direction. He's not exactly cheerful, and his pet epithet is "damn." One of my first days working with him, another of The Old People inquired about a past job, upon which Bernard's head jerked up from his work, as he snapped, "Why, you writing a book or something?" With years of exerting himself in the labor field behind him, Bernard perhaps feels entitled to taking certain liberties over which the rest of The Old People shake their heads and mutter resentfully. Maybe they're just jealous at his ingenuity. Precisely ten minutes before lunch or break times, Bernard will rise from his chair, stretch, go use the bathroom, and refill his coffee. Yes, he is a man who knows how to maximize his free time, and savor every last second by getting the necessary inconveniences out of the way.

Bernard has another, more peculiar habit, which involves incessant, tuneless whistling throughout the entire work day. With his head phones on or off, Bernard consistently treats everyone to a less than varied selection of "tunes," with which he cheerfully fills the airwaves. He and the other Old People refer to their headphones as "ears," as in, "May, it's no use talking to him-he's got his ears in." Or, "Take your ears out, the boss is talking."

One of my favorite experiences with The Old People, and Bernard especially, has to do with their branching out into subjects other than illnesses. Now, they have a lot of experience and wisdom, but what they don't have is all of the information when it comes to current gossip. One morning, they decided to discuss the octuplet mom, and it quickly became clear that they didn't have the whole story. One of the women shook her head sadly, and remarked that the "sperm donor" was becoming involved again, and wanted to take the children back. Bernard didn't seem completely clear on the concept of a sperm donor, because he loudly declared that the men "just want to have fun and hightail it out of there." No, insisted his peer, this man wanted to help the babies financially and otherwise (I haven't heard any report like this), and was staying in touch.
"Why?" demanded our irrepressible friend. "Does he have the AIDS, or the HIV?"

While I don't miss the mailing center, I do wonder what sort of conversations The Old People are having, or what sort of interesting things Bernard is saying or doing. I hope they don't have too many illnesses to discuss, and that their breaks all seem to last twice as long. :)

(I don't mean to mock or trivialize anyone. Just recognizing humor in all its forms)