Work Reflections

Coming out of college, I didn't expect finding a decent job to be easy. In fact, I had anticipated that an English degree would not exactly make me a top favorite in the job market. However, I didn't think that it would be quite so difficult as it has proven to be. For instance, I do not consider myself a stupid person. I graduated with the second highest level of honors in a well respected state school, and I consider myself more than qualified to fill a receptionist position. Apparently, no one else agrees. Most employers either insist on, or prefer at least a year of experience. I find myself stuck, since I don't have that experience, and can't get it since no one wants to give me a chance. And I can't help but to wonder, what kind of genius do employers think it takes to answer phones, make appointments, etc.? Do they believe that someone with a four year degree is incapable of mastering the intense requirements of secretarial work? Perhaps I overestimate my abilities in the competitive, demanding world of receptionists, but it seems to me that either employers are being a bit too selective, or my resume completely sucks and causes them to dismiss me immediately without further consideration. Ok, so maybe my resume is not absolutely the most compelling document, but I would think that someone out there might say, "Hey, this girl is smart enough to do well in college...I bet she can learn this whole answering phones and creating spreadsheets thing!"
In the meanwhile, my husband is laid off, college debt is coming due, and the other bills need to be payed. So I have started doing temp jobs. The first was not too bad. I worked in a community college bookstore as a cashier. I definitely didn't feel pride in living up to my potential, but for a couple of weeks, I survived. Then, last week, I accepted an assignment that has been pushing the limits of my sanity. From 8am to 5pm, I stuff envelopes full of ESL Credit Union system update notifications. Over and over, until I have every little movement down perfectly, and I begin to feel like a mindless machine. Count off a box of envelopes into bunches of 50. Take a cover letter in my left hand, a booklet in my right. Place letter over booklet, stuff into envelope, turn envelope over, flap down, place on pile. Stack piles facing different directions so they remain in groups of 50. Go get more supplies. Come back, sit down, da, da, da, doop.
It is also a test of my ideals and faith. As a Christian, I believe that everyone is of equal worth and value, and has the same basic need; to find their purpose and worth in Jesus Christ. I spent several months in St. Louis trying to learn to love people, no matter their situation, sin, and mistakes. Yet that room of people stuffing envelopes is full of profanity, ignorance, and people who lack respect for either themselves, or others. And I sit there, praying against the feelings of superiority and pride, trying to remember that so much of what I dislike in others is in me. Maybe in my own life my sin takes different forms, but still, except for the grace of God, I could be in their exact situation. In fact, the more time I spend there, the more I begin to understand some of the circumstances that have propelled people to become single mothers on welfare, or why the man next to me spends the entire day inebriated. For instance, one single mother, whose philosophy on parenting makes me cringe talks about losing her virginity at 12, being beaten constantly, and becoming pregnant at 16 simply because her parents forbade it. She was slapped to the ground by her infuriated mother when she found out that her daughter was pregnant.
The man across from me has been a single father of two boys since they were little, and has no idea how to raise his sons other than to give into their every whim. Now he can't stand his own children, because at 10 and 11, they have become demanding monsters, and he doesn't know how to handle them anymore. He works at least two jobs on a regular basis to try and pay for the life he can't really afford.
And I think, Lord have mercy, but I can't help but to also think, I want so badly to get out of here. I want a job where I don't feel like I can barely make it through the day. I don't want a job where I am forced to meet my own inadequacies, because I don't know how to respond to those around me, or how to share the hope I have found in the Gospel. Maybe that is why I am in this place; perhaps it is a time God will use to grow me, and make me rely more on Him. I know that the financial situation at home is forcing me to do that, even though I would much rather have a job where that reliance on God isn't felt so keenly. Maybe that is exactly why I need to be in this place at this moment in my life. However, I'm still looking forward to the day when I can feel like going to college wasn't a waste, and I don't feel inadequate because no one wants to hire me. I still dream of a job that challenges me, utilizes my talents, and values my contributions. From the mailroom, it's looking an awfully long way off.

First Blog

This is all because of my sister Susanna. Because she encouraged me to put my madness out there in a semi-public forum. I hope she realized the Pandora's Box she was prying open to unleash upon the unsuspecting cyber universe. At any rate, I have decided to bare my soul to the internet world, which is not as daunting as it may sound, since I currently have an audience of one (Susanna). So thank you Susanna, and I hope you at least will appreciate the madness that is bound to proliferate upon these pages.